I've got another puzzle for you

Dear old things,

I have yet again been absent for a protracted interval, partly because I was feeling lazy about blogging and partly because I was discouraged by comments such as 'your blog is the least inspiring' and 'boro apu's blog's not even funny!'. Perhaps I do not have the wit and madness of some others, but Once more into the Fray, my friends.

The title is in homage to the Original and the Best, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Upon going to the cinema to see the better-than-expected Kingdom of Heaven, I was confronted with the hideous image of a Fat Flawn masquerading as Augustus Gloop. I recoiled in horror, to Mr C's amusement. On my way out, I was stared at by a moody Charlie Bucket, who looked like he hadn't seen a meal in years. I say nothing of the evil looking Willy Wonka. A generation of children will grow up smirched by the unnecessary adaptation of a great film.

"THERE'S NO EARTHLY WAY OF KNOWING
WHICH DIRECTION WE ARE GOING
THERE'S NO KNOWING WHERE WE'RE ROWING
OR WHICH WAY THE RIVER'S FLOWING
IS IT RAINING
IS IT SNOWING
IS A HURRICANE A-BLOWING
NOT A SPECK OF LIGHT IS SHOWING
SO THE DANGER MUST BE GROWING
ARE THE FIRES OF HELL A GLOWING?
IS THE GRISLY REAPER MOWING?
YES! THE DANGER MUST BE GROWING
FOR THE ROWERS KEEP ON ROWING
AND THEY'RE CERTAINLY NOT SHOWING
ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!"

And now take a moment to reflect on the bloodcurdling scream that followed. And those freaky reptiles.

If you've made it this far, we can now move onto the subject of the much-discussed North and South. Mr C and I finally watched it, finishing at 1am no less. I hesitate to say that although it was pretty good, I dont see where people get the daft idea that its better than Pride and Prejudice! And speaking from a personal point of view, Kingdom of Heaven was far more pleasing to the eye, if you know what I mean. But it were good, I'll not deny that.

Finally, to report on a Wondrous occurence, as we were ushered into the Lowry theatre late, we found ourselves waiting outside the theatre (the actual theatre bit, not the outside doors you understand) with, actually WITH the Inspector! He asked us some questions too, so we quite felt part of the cast. The play was smashing (literally).

Oh I must tell you a rather good joke old Dad came up with. We were discussing the mysterious disappearance of an Allan key, which I said I had been keeping handy. He then said, it was HANDY but it LEGGED it, did it? Very Pooteresque. Mr C's efforts, along the same cheesy lines, consisted of several quips about John Thornton closing his cotton mill and opening a chocolate factory. Ha.

deeply ashamed

As many of you will already be aware, I have most pitifully managed to fail my theory test. I give you all licence to gloat at my misfortune in your comments (seeing as you'll all do it anyway). I read the entire highway code and did HUNDREDS of practice questions, but ultimately I'm probably just not a very observant person as my hazard perception score was lamentably low. Ooooh Agony Agony! (Does anyone recognise that quote? from some cartoon but I forget which). Mr C popped off to France on Friday night, and had a whale of a time on a boys' version of Thelma & Louise, managing to go round a roundabout the wrong way and driving in the opposite direction down French freeways (or whatever) at 110 mph. He left a very beautiful bouquet of roses for me (the first in three months I'll have you know) which I pruned to within a half inch of their lives - for which I was brutally assaulted by a thorn. Yesterday on his return, we went out for a meal, again a rarity in our courtship. Well it's not really a courtship, but in proper Islamic marriages the courtship comes after I suppose. We plumped for the curiously overrated chicken-and-chips joint Nando's, and Mr C in a fit of madness ordered a truly gigantic platter for the both of us, all of it liberally coated in the 'hot' sauce. Half way through the meal, I was in agony. My mouth burned like the fiery furnace Gandalf fell into in the serpent scene. My eyes watered. I could not go on. The lesson being, Know your Limits.